Three friends Mario, Pietro, and Stefano get together for a small dinner and decide to eat the pasta carbonara cooked by Mario. They find themselves in front of the steaming dish, which looks particularly inviting. At the first taste, Pietro compliments Mario: “Excellent, al dente, creamy, just like the Roman tradition… Mario is spectacular! Although I would have added a little more pecorino, it would have given it …” Stefano ready to reply, interrupts Pietro saying, “Noooo… the flavor of the pecorino would have prevailed, while in this delicate balance, you can really feel the flavor of the guanciale … Mario really good nothing to say … I for my taste, but only for my taste, I would have dared with more pepper since it is called carbonara …”
Three people, three different opinions, three different tastes, three different choices, three different communications … three different carbonara.
Has it ever occurred to you that in preparing a dish you are lenient with yourself, while in judging the one prepared by others you do not skimp on remarks about possible “shortcomings”? And has it ever happened to you that you react with annoyance while acknowledging the observation about your dish as correct?
In communication you experience this same condition.
It is essential to verify!!! Indeed, one must ask for opinions on one’s work, without fear, without shame, if one really wants to improve.
We have lost the ability to observe and understand nonverbal language, and we struggle more and more to keep our attention on someone or something. We hear the words, but we listen and retain only what interests us. We pretend to listen out of politeness, out of courtesy, out of kindness.
In the Catholic sphere we often witness self-referential behavior: we speak about God from a pedestal built with the certainties and presumptions of being effective communicators of the good news, certified teachers because they know its value and therefore automatically worthy of listening and credibility, the true “authorities” on the subject! The value of the message is not debatable: debatable, on the other hand, is a mode that creates distance not only from the interlocutor, but from the simplicity and humility of the Word that makes space by “coming down,” asking to live in the flesh of today’s man. A man who changes, who seeks, who struggles and hopes to find the proximity of the Living God. As I wrote in the first article, the world has changed, work has changed, society has changed, the transformation that has taken place so abruptly in the last 30 years has overturned the rules of living, consequently the thinking of men and women today. We live in a society where the only certainty is uncertainty, and the only constant is change. But we continue to speak of God in the language of 1950: the Second Vatican Council opened up new ways, indicated by the Holy Spirit, to respond to the new challenges we live in modern society, to speak every language, to enter uncharted meanderings with mercy and care. With respect and stimulating taking responsibility for growth in personal and common good. But how many suggestions from that event of grace have been put into practice? Do we realize the little credibility of “church people” who follow the reverse logic of the Incarnation, one of the foundations of our faith?
We cannot say that the Christian message is outdated, that would be the last straw, we cannot say that the Gospel is no longer suited to the times would be absurd, again for us Catholics … perhaps it is we who are not adequate, who are too “distracted” in following the coordinates of our call to be witnesses. Perhaps. Meanwhile, people attending parishes on Sundays does not exceed 4 percent of its population, vocations are decreasing, Churches are empty and we have to close them, and we waste time blaming others. That they don’t listen to us. They don’t understand. Who knows if there will be hope of salvation for them… Too much pepper on their carbonara!!!
What if we began to respectfully ask about a recipe development due to a particular experience, “Why do you put so much pepper? Don’t you think it’s inappropriate?” Perhaps we could put the interlocutor in the best position to say to himself, “Eh yes… that’s true. So I stifle the flavors. So I stifle the flavor of life. You’re right, I’ll try to put in less: give me time to experiment and taste this new recipe and I’ll let you know.” A carbonara may not be tasty, but life — no, we cannot afford to take away its flavor with our pride. Christ’s message is real life: after it has touched our hearts and filled them, it will necessarily overflow and touch other hearts, for that is its nature. Let us try not to distort it in its dynamicity that creates, heals, fills. Is it possible that lay people, religious, priests, men of faith, fail to spread the fundamental message? Which is then true and eternal love. But do we-do we really love of that love that has been delivered to us? And which is also infinitely creative? We may fail through weakness, but do not persevere in failure by not admitting that we too can make mistakes and learn from error.
To enter into relationship with the world, is not to conform to the “culture of appearance,” for we enter into relationship as witnesses: to be modern and young people who live in the world but are not of the world. They do not despise it, but they are not corrupted in seeking and cherishing the beauty of a world in which God also lives through us. It is exhausting to admit one’s struggles, failures despite good intentions, but we are fallible by nature: admitting this will leave room for the creativity of the Spirit to rebuild on the rubble something useful to edify and build us up. Let us not look for alibis.
According to the criteria of the economic system, the annual growing budget is verification of wise investments: we cannot verify increases in faithful. It is true that the value of Christianity is not measured by numbers, but we still have to get busy because we should care that more and more people experience our joy. If there is any. The joy of following Christ and following him together.
Verification is due: what and how are we communicating our faith experience? Effectiveness, to what extent depends on the interlocutor and to what extent on me? Those who communicate must always be aware that their words will not take on a predetermined meaning for the recipient: we need to know patiently the expressiveness of the people we wish to reach, so that the message we communicate does not remain nebulous, or ambiguous, or incomprehensible. Let us not judge; it is not within our competence. And let us try not to persist in mistakes, which do not become “sacred and untouchable” because of the good intentions we have: they serve to grow and to remind us that the commitment to tune in with the Spirit must also be constant in our lives, because we are on a journey like everyone and with everyone.
It is better to say, “I did not explain myself” and never “You did not understand.”
Good communication is simple, it requires love in choosing quality ingredients and “listening” to them in their characteristics so that they blend as perfectly as possible. When you cut guanciale into strips and put it in a frying pan, you can barely hear it sizzle, which is followed by the release of an unmistakable aroma (by the way, guanciale not pancetta, that would be another recipe). Grate 50 g fresh pecorino DOP and one egg yolk per person, mix to form a cream with a color similar to zabaglione: add pepper to taste, add the liquid obtained from cooking the guanciale, mix well and as soon as the pasta is cooked, al dente, drain it leaving a ladleful of its water. Pour the pasta into the pan and sauté to keep the heat high: after a minute, pour the egg and pecorino mixture into the pan, remove from the stove, stir again, adding a little of that water set aside and mix with patience and feeling until an enveloping creaminess is achieved. Plate, completing by adding pecorino and pepper. Your carbonara will be sublime, respecting all the ingredients used at their best, according to their characteristics. And sublime will be your communication, if you use the same procedure.
Massimo Ilardo
